Last Time I Saw You, You Turned Away.

Sorry my little blog page. I've ignored you since my first post! :( been what? A week? So... where am I this week? Not much further than last week. And it still feels pretty good. Not much to worry about. I think soon though I'm really gonna be looking for a job and starting to run. Sitting around at home is getting boring. Wish I had some money for a MP3 Player though... I'm pretty much banishing soda from my diet. All I have been drinking is water and tea with honey. I am adding more fruits and vegetables into my diet as well. So Taylor and Lexi are doing well. She is a really fun girl but seeing them together really makes me miss having a girlfriend. I think its time I really start losing weight and strive to be better. It's fun sitting around not doing much. But it's hard. This past week has been really depressing for me though. Still my only wanting of a car is even further away from me than it has ever been I think. And I've just been reminded that when I get a job I have to keep signing my paychecks to my mother for rent.... I haven't owned my own bank account or put my Own pay check into my own bank for almost a whole year now... One of my best friends in the whole world is officially gone for the next 2 years. All my friends are just busy with life. And they all have cars... and money... All I have is..... my computer. My pride is gone. My mother took that from me years ago. I feel so trapped and unenthused. Probably why I dont work out or care what i've eaten. It's why I smoke and have no will to really live except hoping that I can somehow get out of this rut... But it never ends. No matter what. What little cash I have i somehow end up having to give it to my mom... Otherwise I dont hear the end of it. So I just dont tell her. Then she finds out and Flips. I havent bought my own clothes in over a year. The last tshirt I bought myself was my Angels and Airwaves tshirt. That was the last time I could afford to buy my own clothes. That was April of last year. Now its April of 2007. When is this going to end for me? When will I be able to live? It's the only thing I really want to do. Live.